Alone...

Tifa,

     Gone out. Be back soon.
            Cloud.



I sighed, of course he was gone. He was always gone... Why? The eternal question, the question I long to have answered, always lingering in my thoughts... Why was he always gone? I looked at his handwriting, messily scrawled across a torn piece of paper.  I picked it up thrust it into my pocket.  Small thumps on the floor above me indicated the awakening of the children. They are not  actually my children. I only look after them. Marlene is Barret Wallace's daughter and Cloud and I adopted Denzel. We all live together in my bar named "Seventh Heaven" in Edge city. It's a comfortable place, at night anyways. During the day it's usually pretty packed with customers. Drunken customers. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? If you don't mind the occasional bruise, then it's not that bad.

"Tifa? Where's Cloud?" Marlene had come into the front room where I was debating what to cook for breakfast. Bacon and eggs. Or Pancakes.

"I'm not sure. He'll probably be back soon." I said before I went to the back room where we kept all our cooking supplies. I looked through the fridge. Bacon and eggs.  Way easier than pancakes. I pulled out the eggs and placed them on the counter behind me and rummaged through the ice box for the bacon. I walked back to the main room with the ingredients. Denzel had joined Marlene. He was sitting at the counter stretching and yawning.

I giggled. "Have a good sleep Denzel?"

He laid his head down on the counter. He must be stronger today, I thought. Denzel was suffering from a disease called "Geostigma". I don't really know how to explain what it is, but, he has a large, almost bruise like spot on his forhead. I guess it's like an infection. Usually, he would be in his bed still.

"How are you feeling this morning?" I went over to him and he lifted his head. I placed the back of my hand on the side of his face. He was still warm, but not quite as warm as yesterday. That's a good sign!

"I'm okay... " He sounded really weak. Marlene looked over at him with worried eyes. She was his personal doctor. When I was managing the bar, she would be upstairs with him. I was thnakful for that. I mean, I already have to deal with drunken idiots all day. It would be extremely hard to do that AND look after a sick kid. right? Though, I would gladly trade with Marlene, but, who ever heard of a six year old running a bar?

I bent over to look for a pan in the cupboards under the sink, seeking the newest of my ancient collection, when I heard a knock on the front door. It starteled me, causing me to hit my head on the upperside of the cupboard. I rubbed my head after placing the pan on the table. Denzel and Marlene were laughing at me, so I stuck my tongue out them as I headed to answer the door. I turned the deadbolt, while still rubbing my now swelling head. I opened the door to see Barret's cheeky grin.

"Hey Tifa!" His thundering voice rang through the small building. I could almost feel the floor rumbling underneath my feet.

"Papa!" Marlene's excited shriek came from behind me. She jumped down from the stool and ran towards us. I dodged out of the way as she jumped into Barret's waiting grasp. He held her tightly, more tightly than I had ever seen, actually, ever noticed. I usually didn't really take in how much he really needed her. It kinda made me sad. He needed her... just like I need.

"Denzel? How you doing?" Barret's voice broke my thoughts. I walked alongside him, carrying Marlene, to the counter to start the bacon. I looked up at Denzel to see him sitting upright as Barret ruffled his hair. I chuckled. Barret sat Marlene down on the counter and sat in one of the many vacant stools.

"Mmm, hmm. Somethin' sure smells good."  Barret leaned towards me to get a whiff of the squealing meat. Marlene giggled and Denzel placed his head on the counter.

"Denzel? Why don't you go lie down? I'll bring you breakfast, Okay?"  I patted his cold hand, it felt as if he had just stuck it in the freezer for five hours. He lifted his head and nodded.

"I'll help you Denzel!" Marlene shouted and Barret lifted her off the counter and onto the floor. She grabbed Denzel's hand and led him up the stairs. I sighed and turned back to the food.

"So, Ya heard from Spikey lately?"  

I held my breath. The simple answer hurt, it cut through my chest like a thousand knives. I almost couldn't find my voice. I hesiatated and cleared my throat.

"No" I kept my eyes on the sizziling food as I said it, not wanting to make eye contact with Barret. Obviously, he could see through my weak attemp at hiding my pain. He leaned forward so that he could see my face more clearly.

"Don' worry! He'll come back." He tried to sound sincere, actually, he was more sincere than I had ever known him to be, but, I still couldn't believe him.

"I know.." I lied. I heard Marlene come running down the stairs. I looked up to see her smiling. She came up beside me and tugged at my arm.

"Tifa? Can you get a glass of water so I can give it to Denzel?" She asked. She smiled at me, showing her pearly white teeth. I laughed.

"Sure kiddo." I ruffled her hair and turned around to grab a glass. I went to the sink, filled it up and handed it to her.

"Don't drop it." I cautioned her. She nodded and walked slowly up the stairs. I turned back to Barret. He was watching her with a tormented smile. I was curious.

"Barret? Is everything okay?" I asked, cautiously.

"They really look up to 'm, huh?" He turned back to me. " Yet, he aint 'ere." He was angry, or at least, he was getting angry. I scraped the bacon onto a plate and cleaned out all the scraps. I rinsed it quickly and then opened the egg carton.

"They do. He's Denzel's hero, you can see the admiration in his eyes." I chuckled.

Suddenly his oversized fist slammed down on the table, making my heart stop and causing me to drop two eggs. I placed my hand over my heart and tried to remember to breathe.

"Dammit! He should be here! The need him 'n he aint!" His demanding voice radiated through the room. I was stunned. He was shouting because Cloud was never around... That made me angry.

"He's here more than you are!" I immediatley regretted saying that, because the look he gave me almost made me turn to ice. I could almost feel the temperature change from the usual, comfortable heat to almost sweltering hot, but, I didn't cower, I stood my ground. He opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it again.

"I gotta go. Tell Mar I'm sorry." He stomped towards the door, slamming it as he went out. I let out a big breath and went to get  a mop from out of the pantry.

"Where'd Papa go, Tifa?" Sorrow filled her voice, making me feel guilty.

''He had to leave, something came up. He said to tell you he was sorry." I said with my back to her.  I couldn't face her, she would be able to see through me like glass. I hated that. I was so easy to read.

"Oh... Okay."She sighed and went back upstairs to sit with Denzel. I sighed also and headed back to the front room. Why did I always do this? I always manage to hurt the ones I love. I picked up most of the egg with a dust pan, but, the other half would need to be mopped. Suddenly the phone rang. I sighed, more deliveries. I leaned the mop against the wall and walked up the stairs, past the children's room and into Cloud's uninhabitaed office. Piles of paper where cluttering his desk, and the floor. There were two pictures in his desk, one of us and the kids, and one of everyone, Cid and Yuffie, Vincent and Barret, Red XIII and Cait sith, Cloud, the kids and me. I sighed, those were the good times. When everyone was not overwhelmed with the stress of work.  

I suddenly remebered the phone and  grabbed it.

"Hello, Strife Delivery Service. You name it, we deliver it. How may I help you?" I was not exactly in the mood for being pleasant, but, I had to at least try.

"Hello dear." An ancient voice greeted me. " I need you to deliver a parcel to me grandson, It's his Thriteenth birthday." There was pride in the woman's voice.

"Okay, can you tell me what's in the parcel?" I asked as I grabbed a pen and paper.

"Parts for his bicycle. My grandson and his father are building a bicycle."

I paused, "That's very nice... Whne do you need it by?" If only Marlene and Denzel had someone around like that, to teach them about that kind of stuff. I found it hard to picture that figure as Cloud. I clutched my aching heart.

"Oh, not till friday. It's no rush."

I smiled slightly. "Alright."

"Thank you dear."

"Your welcome"

The phone click and I hung up.


***
I finished cleaning the egg residue off the floor and serve breakfast to the kids, that was when my ''regulars" came in. My day had finally started on the same, dull, boring schedule like usual. I ended up with a couple bruises, nothing broken. I had just shooed the last customer out and started cleaning the tables when the door opened.

"I'm sorry, we're-" I stopped and straightened. The first thing I really saw were the eyes. Blue-green. I was lost in them, finding it hard to look away. He walked closer to me, his heavy boots thumping on the floor. I felt my heart rate rising ever so slightly. His blond hair was shimmering with droplets of precipatation.

"H-Hi Cloud." I struggled to regain my breath. He nodded and went upstairs to his office. I looked after him, confused, and -to be honest- a little hurt. He just walked by, hardly acknowledging me, but, I guess that's Cloud, never saying a word. I walked over to the counter and started to clean the glasses. He came down, holding a piece of paper. I stood on my toes and caught a glimpse of the familiar writing on the page. It was the details on the delivery I wrote down today.

"The woman said there was no rush, she doesn't need it untill friday." I said while looking down at the glass in my hand. I was beginning to feel angry. He didn't even stop to talk to me, tell me how his trip was, stop for something of nutritional value. I was washing the glass with to much force. I breathed deeply, hoping it would clear away some of my frustration. I looked up, he had stopped. He was watching me abuse the glass. I blushed. He shurgged and looked down at the paper again.

'Might aswell get it over with while I can." His voice was so... dead. I could almost feel the heat rush away from my body as he talked. His words provoked my fury, I slammed the glass down onto the counter. He looked at me with confusion and surprise.

"Dammit, Cloud! Why can't you let it go? It's in the past! Please! Stop running from us!" Now sadness ruled my words, I couldn't stop though. I had to get the weight off of my chest, it was pushing on my heart, making it impossible to beat freely. His face dropped to the ground, inflicted with pain. My hands were outstretched with my untill recent fury.

"Cloud. We want to be with you. We need you as much as you need us. The kids worship you. They need you... I-I need you..." My own head dropped. I couldn't help the silent tears that slowly ran down my face, I turned and held my hands to my face, trying to hide my own pain.

"T-Tifa-"

I spun around, fury once again present, "Just forget it! You've got a delivery, then you got a delivery. I won't stand in your way. Go do your job. Do whatever you want." I walked over to the counter, wiping the tears from my eyes. I heard his steps behind me, enraging me farther.

"Tifa? Wh-"

"Just leave!" I shouted, my tears over flowing more freely now. I couldn't help it. I covered my mouth, ashamed of what I had just done. Afraid, because they children would never forgive me, I just ran him out of thier lives. My fear wasn't only for the children, I wasn't sure how I could do it. A life without Cloud. Would I make it? Would I survive? Or would I crumble, with the children, trying their hardest to piece me back together.

I only saw the true extent of the pain I caused him right before he turned away. His eyes were like blue-green ice, frozen by my words. They looked almost cracked, as if I had beaten the ice with a sledge hammer, trying to destroy it with my rage. The door opened and closed before I realized he was gone. I bit my lip, trying to be quiet, the children were already asleep, though, I probably already woke them with my outburst. I wiped the remaining tears from my eyes, and placed my elbows on the counter, covering my eyes with my hands, sobbing freely into them, letting my heart rip open with guilt, fear, and desire. Even though I had just hurt him in everyway you can ever hurt someone, I still loved him. Loved him with everything I was, and ever would be. He was my life... but, my life was now gone, there was nothing left. My hands were shaking violently.

I needed to clear my head. I went upstairs slowly, once again, afraid the children were awake, and went to my room. I walked into the bathroom, right across my room, planning to have a shower, and hoping it would help ebb the pain. The heat did feel good on my ice cold body, but it wasn't enough to make my guilt subside. I felt me eyes become sore, and I sat on the floor of the shower, letting it was over me, clutching my knees to my chest as tightly as possible, as if trying to hold myself together. My hair was pushed -by the weight of the water- infront of my face, hiding me from the world, protecting them from harm, and protecting me from causing harm.

***
It must have been about midnight, when the freezing water washed across my back, making me straigten up. I had gone over the incident in my head a thousand times, ripping my heart, piercing it, but, I deserved it. He should hate me forever.

I walked across the room, wearing my towel tightly wrapped around my shivering body, and closed the door. I walked over to the window and sat on the ledge, brushing my hair in smooth strokes, while I fell to pieces slowly. I gave up on my hair and threw the brush to the ground, covering my mouth, trying to sob quietly. I bit my lip as it quivered rapidly.

"Tifa?"

My head snapped up and my hands immediatley struggled to enclose my body. He didn't seem to notice my current choice of clothing. Cloud was looking at my face. I turned away.

"Why are you here? Why did you come back?"

He walked closer to me, he sounded nervous. "Because I-I need to tell you something..." He stopped where he stood and looked at the floor, I turned so that he had my full attention.

"Y-Yes?" My voice sounded feebly and weak.* (use later)

He took in a deep breath. "I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry if I ever let you down. I'm sorry for never being here. For never... I don't know... F-For everything." He ran his fingers through his hair. I looked up at him, feeling confused.

"I don't-"

"Just wait, there's more..." He held the bridge of his nose, deciding what to tell me. I waited silently.

"Tifa..." He was looking at me now, indescribabe pride in his voice. "Your never gonna be alone again. I won't be missing one day, I'll be there for as long as you need me. I-I feel like there's nothing I could need, but, you. I'll be holding on to you and the kids with both hands, as tight as I can... and I'll never let go."

I was stunned, frozen where I sat, unable to move. Cloud was speaking words I had never expected him to say in a hundred years. He was speaking words I had only dreamed he would say. I raised my quivering hand to my mouth, it was not shaking from fear, but from shock. I looked down and back up. He was watching my every move. I stood up slowly, clutching my towel. He bit his lip, probably realizing that I was not dressed. His eyes were focused on my face. I walked towards him and held him tightly around the waist. He placed his arms around my shoulders.

"I'm sorry too, Cloud. I said terrible things, I should've never-"

"I don't care, I needed that. It only made me realize... that I-I, my feelings..."

I looked up at him, seeing my own desire reflected in his eyes. I looked at his the bucket for his sheath, and back up at him. He copied me and then, slowly he raised his hand up to my face. I looked at it and then back to his face, his forhead found mine and I placed my hand over his as it covered my cheek completely.

"I need you, Cloud." I whispered.

"I'm yours. Every last bit of me." His forhead lifted away and was replaced by his lips. I felt a electric shock course through my body. It was exhilartating. His lips left my forhead and we looked at each other. I looked at the buckle again, tightened my towel and slowly pulled the leather. My heartrate was racing. I gently let the sheath slide to the floor and went for the buckle that held his shoulder guard on. I then reached for the zipper of his sweater, and pulled it lightly, revealing his muscular chest along with a few scars, and bruises. I slid my hands across them,  and when I got to his shoulders, removed his sweater. His hand then found the beginning of the large gash that went from my left collarbone and trailed it, having to remove my only coverage, to the left side of my stomach. I saw him cringe at the memory of it and I placed my hand against his cheek. He placed his over mine. He looked at me and I nodded. He hesitated, agony still present on his face. He finally brought it closer to mine and our lips met. Safely at first and then passionatley.

That night, everything came together. All the pieces to the puzzle were found. I finally found the missing piece.